my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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