i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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