I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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