Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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