from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
