All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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