Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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