everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Enjoy the penises
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
