ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I died a long time ago.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
