Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
