I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
