the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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