Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
