i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
