her vagine was all disorganized.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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