I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
