White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
