I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
