OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
