Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
