I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
