just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
