What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
