I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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