Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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