You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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