i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
