I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
