I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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