Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
