sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
