i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
