Yo dont text me then not text me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Drunk is not a location!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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