Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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