i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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