if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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