So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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