evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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