How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
