i jhust puked up my retainher.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
