Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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