i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
