Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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