I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
