I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I want her autograph on my taint
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
