this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
