so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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