you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
