Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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