did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
