I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
