So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
