He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
