Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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