Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
